with your own penis?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
