what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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