I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
