does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
