It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
