did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
bring money and cleavage
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
