I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
