We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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