if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
