He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
