In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
