how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He passed out mid-signature
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
