what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
