I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
