Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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