I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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