At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
