Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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