Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
