2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
