You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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