Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
