News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
