come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
this boner is exhausting
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
