The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
