____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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