Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
