I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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