is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
