Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
