I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Let's get the cat blown out
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
