The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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