theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
