Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
