Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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