Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
