I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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