I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
