There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
