After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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