Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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