I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Will exercising make me less horny?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
