You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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