____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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