Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize