so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I would fuck him just for his dog
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
