The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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