We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
