He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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