you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
