i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
