he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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