FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize