It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
