Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
