I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
