he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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