drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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