chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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