shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
