yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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