Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
