I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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