Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
