I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
