Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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