oh god the rape fog is back!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Vodka?
Forever.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
