someone get that fucking seahorse.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
