I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Actions speak louder than pants.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
