R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
