Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
