Got a toothbrush?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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