Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
