Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
