Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
